Hard times

22 07 2009

king_of_hearts_by_BitterGrapesSometimes I just wish I could live my life without having to worry about stupid things that people shouldn’t even pay attention to. No suffering is more important than another, but being a black lesbian isn’t the easiest thing ever.

These are some hard times, lesbos.

I remember that one time in college. Have any of you ever been outed? Not such a good feeling. But the ‘funny’ thing in my case is that that person who ‘outed’ me didn’t even really realised it. I was hanging out with my friends and the friends of my friends and some acquaintances. We’re a pretty mixed group: Quebecois, one Irish girl, one Canadian from friendly Ontario, Haitians, francophones, gay guys, straight girls, a bisexual girl… And one of my new friends, who has boys on her mind 24/7 just kept talking to me about guys and I would be just like: “Oh”, “yeah”, “right”, “wow”, “huh-huh”, you know. And among the group it was pretty obvious that I have no interest in men but yet, I wasn’t out of the closet. And one day – one bad day – I just said to my girl friend that one random guy was good-looking just to shut her up, you know (yep: a really bad day I’m usually not like that).

Then, boom, it was all she needed. She was so happy I found that guy “attractive”, it made her day. Literaly. She said: “Finally!!! Dude, I thought you were lesbian!” (She calls everybody dude, she’s the cutest thing ever).

Everybody stops talking and looks at me for a sec. Cause, like I said, I’m not obvious as a lesbian (well, I don’t think I am but you never know) but since I’m hanging out with a bunch of gay guys and straigt girls, men are pretty much our no1 conversation, so it quickly became obvious that… you know, there was something up with me.

Now, why ain’t I out to my friends? …………..It’s truly complicated. But to be honest, I think they know. It’s kind of hard to hide it with friends. We just don’t talk about it. It’s complicated. I’ll probably post something about this.

Hard times, people. Hard times…





Gay scientists Isolate the Christian gene

18 12 2008

DNA research is fascinating, I think. At least when it deals with proving that we all come from a same source (to prove this is also needed in our society. I wish it was not so). But now that it has been proved, gosh, them scientists do some unnecessary research. A example ? To try to find a gay gene, of course. Talk about wasted research money. So, hum, when will they be able to tell if I put a red bra today ? I can’t wait. -_-‘

Isn’t trying to find a cause to homosexuality assuming that homosexuality has to be explained because it is not right ? I don’t know. I guess we could say so. Here’s a funny video I found surfing on the internet. Gay scientists isolate the Christian gene. Hilarious. 😀





Once upon a time in the Tyra Banks show…

17 12 2008

Tyra BanksI have to admit: I enjoy watching the Tyra Show. Yay. 🙂  10 in the morning, eating breakfast… It starts the day well, doesn’t it ? Tyra has a nice personnality, she sweet and all. This is her image, right ? Oprah cares about people; Tyra loves everybody.

Anyway, I was watching today’s show called “Trust your Dating instincts”, it was a social experiment about women who aways date the wrong men. So there was speed dating session and the women had to choose their guy. The first group of girls found out that they were attracted by a gay man. And everything just went with the flow, it was like: “I like tall guys better.” “Oh, really ? Too bad. Your are sweet, though.” He’s gay, no big deal. Tyra let a man from the audience express himself about this, they talked for seconds only but Tyra asked: “And you are  gay or straight ?” he answered he was gay and once again, no big deal.

If life was like the Tyra Show, black, white, gay, straight… no difference. Everyone would love each other. Wouldn’t that be cool ? And plus: everybody looks perfect, have noticed it ? Even in the audience. Nice hair, nice teeth, nice skin, flawlessness at its best. In Canada, it’s not quite the same, even though we tend to copy american shows a lot lol. Just take Steven and Chris Show. They both look perfect, but in the audience, it’s just normal people. It’s good to know, though, that I’m not the only normal girl out there. 😉





Am I out of the closet ?

14 12 2008

teenager_by_adikijaOf course not. I mean… are you serious ?! There is no escape for me, unfortunately. My family is pretty homophobic, especially my father. Gosh, sometimes he says things that are just so awful… 😦 I consider myself quite young (maybe too young) to break my family apart. They don’t want this, neither do I. I know someday it will happen. Just not now. Let’s just say I’m not ready to come out of the closet just now. It is so easy to say: just do it, this is who you are. Of course, I wish to everyone to be out of the closet and be accepted. It’s just not that simple. Not only would my sexual orientation break my family apart, to be totally honest, I am scared like hell of my father. There are so much things that happened in his life and in my life and in our life as a family and knowing that his daughter is lesbian would just be too much, I guess. I am just afraid of what he would do like I’m sleeping, if you know what I mean… Seriously, it’s not even funny. At time, he just so violent. But anyway. My father is pretty much the main reason why I keep a low profile about this. Better off this way.

There is nothing else much to say about this. Except that for the moment, my only alternative to this unfortunate situation is to move out in Ontario (probably Ottawa or Toronto) after my CEGEP studies. In other words: Cut any type of relationship with my family. They won’t know anything about who I would be living with nor how my life is like. I would just be gone.

Well… Nobody knows what the future holds.





Keith Olbermann talks about prop 8 in California

9 12 2008

I know this is old news. But I just heard about it. I’ll do this real short because I suppose that you all heard about it many times. When it comes to gay rights and trying to convince people to just leave us alone (minimally) and trying to make them understand that it is ok to be homosexual or asexual or transexual or transgender, it’s always a little difficult, you know. There is no chemistry, and both parties are absolutely sure that they are right. I’m a bad speaker and a bad debater because it is tough for me to clearly express myself. At times it is very frustrating because it’s not because I have a hard time verbally defending my values that I don’t have any (some people think that, isn’t it silly ?) But anyway. I think that Keith Olbermann really managed to say almost everything I wish I could have said to people when it comes to homosexuality. He’s very clear, he’s thoughful, he’s convincing, he has charisma, he’s got it all. Of course. I mean, the guy reads the news, of course he can do and has all that. But I mean, if you didn’t watch that short video about him talking about prop 8 in California about same-sex marriage, you should sit back and watch. That man has some really strong powers, lol.

One thing that I still can’t understand, though, is why do people care about homosexuality ? Why do homophobic people think that only one portion of the population can love, be loved, and be happy? I just don’t get it. Why do people waste so much time with hatred ? Ah… -_-‘





GMHC Campaigns

27 08 2008

Not too long ago, GMHC lauched a campaign targeting the fathers of Black Gay men. I think that’s pretty cool, especially when those kind of posters are in public places. It’s not only good for the visibility of the LGBTA community, but also (and maybe more importantly), it’s a step in the good direction to make people understand that family is really important especially for young gay and lesbian people.

Another campaign that they did is the I love my boo campaign, that’s pretty cool too, I think. We (LGBT community) may not like thinking about STD, but it’s an issue that we have to talk about. Silence doesn’t solves anything. That’s why I like this campaign too.  “Families are critically important to young men of color and this campaign builds on the strength and resiliency of those bonds,” stated Dr. Marjorie Hill, Chief Executive Officer of GMHC. “We recognize the complexities in the lives of young men of color who have sex with men. Thus, HIV prevention efforts should speak to the realities faced by these young men on a daily basis. We cannot simply deliver a message of “use condoms” or “be tested for HIV. It is imperative to address the myriad of underlying factors which contribute to the transmission of HIV, including homophobia, racism, poverty, isolation, stigma, poor body image, and inadequate access to health care.”

 





Daddy drama on Dr. Phil

5 08 2008

Did anyone see the Dr. Phil show yesterday ? You know, Daddy Drama? The guy went on the army, got married and had kids, but he always felt that he was a woman ! His oldest daughter was 21 I think and his youngest, 13. I think he was divorced or that the mother died, I don’t know (I didn’t get the first part of the show). And just recently, he decided he couldn’t live as a man anymore and so, he began to dress himself as a woman.

I mean, I understand the fact that all his life, he didn’t feel good on his own skin. That part of the story is sad. The fact that the girls didn’t seem to understand too was sad. But I mean, like Dr. Phil said, it’s not what you do that is wrong. It’s the way you do it. There is a bad and a good way to do things. The guy didn’t get that, I think. He made choices in his life. He may not have choose to end up being like a woman trapped in a man body, but he choose to get married and have kids. Those kind of things come with responsibilities.

The man was saying that he is a father to his daughters even his he is transgendered. But what is being a father, really ? His little 13 yeard-old girl was just so confused she couldn’t even look at him. Being a father implies to support your kids and keep them from being so confused. You knows how she could turn out if this situation stays that way ? She may stay confused, become ignorant, deal with low self-esteem, have anger and hatred issues…

It seemed to me that the guy just thought of himself. He seemed just really selfish. “Oh, you don’t know how it’s like.“ “You don’t understand me“. It’s YOUR job to explain them this. In fact, it your job to keep being a role model to your daughters. You can’t just go in front of them, say that you always knew you were a girl and act as if it was nothing. You need to communicate. Find a middle ground.

I have to say, though, that the girls were just so closed minded. They wanted to have their father back. And to them, their father was a man. I thought that their perception of family was… just so rigid. Is it really the physical appearance that counts ? Or is it the soul, the care, the love… ? Does that mean that if their father had a serious car accident and was disfigured and unrecognizable, they wouldn’t consider him as their dad anymore ? I know that you can’t really compare those 2. But still. You got my point.

I believe that if 1) the father was less egocentric and 2) the girls were more open-minded and that 3) they would communicate, everything would be better for them. I’m sure that the man still have a lot of love for his kids. The kids need to accept that love. If you don’t accept love, what do you expect to change ? The older sister was saying over and over “I’m certain you don’t love us. You can’t love us. I don’t believe you. You’re just gross, it’s disgusting.“ and Dr. Phil was all over her as if the girls were the angels and the father, the devil. I mean, come on !

The man has kids, yes. Does that mean that he has to give everything to them, even his own happiness ? I mean, please, what about the communication and the compromises ? What about the love that they absolutely don’t (want to ?) share ?