Close-minded parents of gay teens

9 01 2009

My dad is very close-minded. And I don’t think that he actually realises that he his. He’s very self-righteous too. He believes that some things are normal and that others aren’t, and that everybody ought to be as “normal” as he is. And at times, it’s really hard to talk to him because he just says: “I don’t want to know anything about this” and walks away.

mr__pink_by_bittergrapesThe other day, though, I had this amazing opportunity to actually have a conversation with him. I asked him how was his sister doing. It is no secret that those two don’t get along very well. They don’t see each other and they don’t talk. I had previously talked about my dad about denial, I said in a very general way that I was scared that he would deny me if ever I do something he doesn’t approve. My dad is very protective. He’s the cliché dad that doesn’t want his daughter to go out with bad boys, you know ? We used to joke about this, but recently, I started to use that cliché to slowly come out to him and my mom. I would say : “Seriously, Dad, if ever I fell in love with a gangster or a guy with tattoos and piercings and stuff, would you deny me ?” (Add to that a cute pity face, it works ;)) Of course, what was really in my head was: “If ever I present you to my new girlfriend, would you deny me ?” And of course, he says he doesn’t deny anybody. That’s my dad.

But anyway, it worked for me to use the “bad boy” cliché to push him to realise that yes, I am (or should be) free to fall in love with anybody. That is my step one in my coming out process. Yay. Not much, I know. But better than nothing.

So we talked (in a very general way, not about homosexuality at all) and I managed to make him realise that he doesn’t do any compromises when it comes to relationships and things that he doesn’t necessarily approve. I added that he judges people before he gets to know them (he would often say that if ever one of his friends announced him that he / she was gay / lesbian, he would stop their relationships with no hesitation at all no matter how many decades they have been friends. He would also say that if he knows that somebody is gay, he wouldn’t even talk to that person even if he has too). At the end of that lovely father-daughter conversation, he said: “Yeah. You are right, I might think about it.” Isn’t cool ? There is hope in that family ! Yay ! 🙂 

I also used the “fat person” version (because – and I’m not proud to say this – my dad would also judge fat people in the exact same way as he would do with gay people, and it just depresses me). I would say: “You will deny me if I get fat.” And he would honestly say no.

So I highly recommend this technique to anybody that wants to come out of the closet to his / her parents. Just to prepare them to the big announcement. Of course, I’m no expert. It’s just an advice. Take it or leave it. So far, my dad really watched what he would say about people he would used to judge. And that is why we love our dads too. 😀

Step 2 of my coming out process coming up soon.





Think Before You Speak

7 01 2009

Nearly 9 out of 10 of LGBT students (86.3%) experienced harassment at school because of their sexual orientation in the past year, according to GLSEN’s 2007 National School Climate Survey.

The Ad Council’s first LGBT-themed campaign, unveiled last month, targets anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) language among teenagers. It features humorous TV public service announcements that star Hilary Duff and Wanda Sykes interrupting teenagers who use the term “that’s so gay.”





Lesbian Couple give birth to quadruplets separately

5 01 2009

Karen Wesolowski and Martha Padgett spent three years and £35,000 undergoing IVF treatment, but could not believe it when they heard four heartbeats at a check-up. Astonishingly each of the women gave birth to twins on the same day – but the four children born are actually quadruplets, created from Martha’s eggs and donor sperm. Miss Wesolowski, who has been with her… (read more)

karen_wesolowski_and_martha_padgettKaren, 42, and Martha, 38, tried 5 times to get pregnant (at 15,000$ per try, a three years process that exhausted them) before they finally decided that they should both have eggs implanted. They took medication to make sure they were on the same cycle. Even though they knew that 2 embryos had been implanted, they didn’t believe that they would end up with 4 babies. And, happy end, they gave birth on the same date, only 22 hours apart at different hospitals. Now the pair, of Riverside, California, are happily cradling twins – one boy and one girl each – who are all quadruplet brothers and sisters. That is a real love story, eh ? And Martha, who have a 3-years-old daugther named Julia from a previous marriage, says she dated a couple of other men and never expected to fall in love with another women, until she met Karen. Couple of years later: lots of babies. :)

babies1





Gay high school and marginalised minorities

19 12 2008

180px-harvey_milk_high_school_entrance_by_david_shankboneA newly expanded gay-themed high school began the school year Monday with about 100 students attending classes, about 200 supporters rallying outside and a small band of protesters demonstrating against it. Since 1985, Harvey Milk High School has served students who are gay or believed to be gay, but its recent… (read more)

In Toronto they have one, too. As well as a school for Black students. Here in Montreal, we have a school for Italian Kids and for Jewish kids. I’m not sure this is such a good idea, though. I understand that the point of schools like those is to create an environment safe for its student (in the case of homosexuality), or to create a sense of belonging and pride, or to prevent student to drop out of school, or to preserve a cultural heritage that tends to get lost in the larger Canadian society. But could you imagine if everyone starts to go to schools like this? There would be not unity, no understanding of the “others”. Quebeckers have experienced a lot situations like this I guess I could say. Not going into the details, but to be a minority in your own country contributed to the climate of “Us” and “Them”. At a large scale level, it is exactly why I am against the separation of Quebec. I think it is ridiculous. Why not focusing on zero tolerance for discrimination, fighting ignorance, and promoting curiosity of different cultures instead ?

In the last few years, a new program was installed in Quebec (at least in the French system, I’m not sure about the english system) called “Éthique et Culture Religieuse” which means Ethics and religious culture. It’s basically a program that focuses on discovering and learning more about different religions. In high school, a little bit of philosophy is added to it. I took this course for the two last years of high school and I absolutely liked it. Partly because of the teachers, they were so funny and so good. Anyway, my point is : this should be the solution. To stop sticking to the traditional way of education, you know ? Add new things as society evolves, courses about cultural diversity, for example.

In the past, people fought so that Blacks and Whites could go to school together. Why separating them again ? To me, it is the same thing as saying “Oh, well, on second thought, that was a bad idea. Let’s segregate again.” It’s a shame.

460595XSo far, I’ve always went to private schools. My parents wanted the best for me so I went in one of the best high school in Montreal. It’s just now that I’m in CEGEP that I stopped wearing a uniform to go to school (can you believe this ? 11 years of light-colored shirts and dark skirts!). I decided to go in the public system for college. I had enough of snobish rich people and I am happier now, I think. What I like the most about public schools is the diversity. There is always something happening, so much different clubs (Black Unions, Muslim Associations, Gay-Straight alliances and so on)… This is how school should be. In my snob, rich, perfectionist high school, most people were white, nothing happened, everybody was dressed the same way to create this illusion of equality. It was just boring.  

I don’t think I would enjoy going in a gay high school. I like diversity too much. We should celebrate this diversity instead of marginalising it. Don’t you think ?





Gay scientists Isolate the Christian gene

18 12 2008

DNA research is fascinating, I think. At least when it deals with proving that we all come from a same source (to prove this is also needed in our society. I wish it was not so). But now that it has been proved, gosh, them scientists do some unnecessary research. A example ? To try to find a gay gene, of course. Talk about wasted research money. So, hum, when will they be able to tell if I put a red bra today ? I can’t wait. -_-‘

Isn’t trying to find a cause to homosexuality assuming that homosexuality has to be explained because it is not right ? I don’t know. I guess we could say so. Here’s a funny video I found surfing on the internet. Gay scientists isolate the Christian gene. Hilarious. 😀





Once upon a time in the Tyra Banks show…

17 12 2008

Tyra BanksI have to admit: I enjoy watching the Tyra Show. Yay. 🙂  10 in the morning, eating breakfast… It starts the day well, doesn’t it ? Tyra has a nice personnality, she sweet and all. This is her image, right ? Oprah cares about people; Tyra loves everybody.

Anyway, I was watching today’s show called “Trust your Dating instincts”, it was a social experiment about women who aways date the wrong men. So there was speed dating session and the women had to choose their guy. The first group of girls found out that they were attracted by a gay man. And everything just went with the flow, it was like: “I like tall guys better.” “Oh, really ? Too bad. Your are sweet, though.” He’s gay, no big deal. Tyra let a man from the audience express himself about this, they talked for seconds only but Tyra asked: “And you are  gay or straight ?” he answered he was gay and once again, no big deal.

If life was like the Tyra Show, black, white, gay, straight… no difference. Everyone would love each other. Wouldn’t that be cool ? And plus: everybody looks perfect, have noticed it ? Even in the audience. Nice hair, nice teeth, nice skin, flawlessness at its best. In Canada, it’s not quite the same, even though we tend to copy american shows a lot lol. Just take Steven and Chris Show. They both look perfect, but in the audience, it’s just normal people. It’s good to know, though, that I’m not the only normal girl out there. 😉





Am I out of the closet ?

14 12 2008

teenager_by_adikijaOf course not. I mean… are you serious ?! There is no escape for me, unfortunately. My family is pretty homophobic, especially my father. Gosh, sometimes he says things that are just so awful… 😦 I consider myself quite young (maybe too young) to break my family apart. They don’t want this, neither do I. I know someday it will happen. Just not now. Let’s just say I’m not ready to come out of the closet just now. It is so easy to say: just do it, this is who you are. Of course, I wish to everyone to be out of the closet and be accepted. It’s just not that simple. Not only would my sexual orientation break my family apart, to be totally honest, I am scared like hell of my father. There are so much things that happened in his life and in my life and in our life as a family and knowing that his daughter is lesbian would just be too much, I guess. I am just afraid of what he would do like I’m sleeping, if you know what I mean… Seriously, it’s not even funny. At time, he just so violent. But anyway. My father is pretty much the main reason why I keep a low profile about this. Better off this way.

There is nothing else much to say about this. Except that for the moment, my only alternative to this unfortunate situation is to move out in Ontario (probably Ottawa or Toronto) after my CEGEP studies. In other words: Cut any type of relationship with my family. They won’t know anything about who I would be living with nor how my life is like. I would just be gone.

Well… Nobody knows what the future holds.