Hard times

22 07 2009

king_of_hearts_by_BitterGrapesSometimes I just wish I could live my life without having to worry about stupid things that people shouldn’t even pay attention to. No suffering is more important than another, but being a black lesbian isn’t the easiest thing ever.

These are some hard times, lesbos.

I remember that one time in college. Have any of you ever been outed? Not such a good feeling. But the ‘funny’ thing in my case is that that person who ‘outed’ me didn’t even really realised it. I was hanging out with my friends and the friends of my friends and some acquaintances. We’re a pretty mixed group: Quebecois, one Irish girl, one Canadian from friendly Ontario, Haitians, francophones, gay guys, straight girls, a bisexual girl… And one of my new friends, who has boys on her mind 24/7 just kept talking to me about guys and I would be just like: “Oh”, “yeah”, “right”, “wow”, “huh-huh”, you know. And among the group it was pretty obvious that I have no interest in men but yet, I wasn’t out of the closet. And one day – one bad day – I just said to my girl friend that one random guy was good-looking just to shut her up, you know (yep: a really bad day I’m usually not like that).

Then, boom, it was all she needed. She was so happy I found that guy “attractive”, it made her day. Literaly. She said: “Finally!!! Dude, I thought you were lesbian!” (She calls everybody dude, she’s the cutest thing ever).

Everybody stops talking and looks at me for a sec. Cause, like I said, I’m not obvious as a lesbian (well, I don’t think I am but you never know) but since I’m hanging out with a bunch of gay guys and straigt girls, men are pretty much our no1 conversation, so it quickly became obvious that… you know, there was something up with me.

Now, why ain’t I out to my friends? …………..It’s truly complicated. But to be honest, I think they know. It’s kind of hard to hide it with friends. We just don’t talk about it. It’s complicated. I’ll probably post something about this.

Hard times, people. Hard times…

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4 responses

22 07 2009
Bee.Love

Lol@ the dude thing…I haven’t heard anyone say that in a while…I think it’s cool that you’re not out. I’m out…it’s not so different you know…’cause if they’re your friends, they’re your friends for life.

22 07 2009
Sandy

Wow…that sucks. Make sure that you share the news with ppl who are actually FRIENDS and will have your back no matter what. People can be shady sometimes…especially when you are not or do not do what they want. Power to you sis.

2 08 2009
hersandhers

I think your friends probably do know, but it would be good to hear it from you. If they are true ones, they will be there no matter what.
I was outed a couple months ago by my cousin. She told my Aunt about my wedding to my now wife, and it has spread through my family like wildfire. Some of the family already knew, but some didn’t. It is out now, but people need to be more conscious of the damage that can be done.

9 10 2009
Movies for Lesbians

Girrrrl !!!
You have got to start living life as you were meant to. Being in the closet is….
Your friends probably know or at least susect you are lesbian. And some are probably whispering about it.
Give yourself a break. One day you are going to come out or be outted. Better to do it on your own terms

Coming out is not about them, it’s about you and finally not having to hide behind some disguise.

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