Mom, dad… I’m left-handed

11 01 2009

Original text here.

Dear Mom, 

This letter will doubtless find you in a good mood, at least I hope for it. It is a painful secret which I carried for years. I was not able, so far, to share it. And to say it face-to-face is for me too difficult. That is why this small letter will bring you the truth, my truth, the truth about me.

Here is: I am left-handed. I know that it is not easy to admit, but it is so. You are not responsible for that. It is the way it is. You certainly noticed that I often spoke about left-handed persons. Of course, I laughed at them, showing you how much I was proud to be right-handed. I event voted for somebody who defended the right-handed people against the left-handed persons in the society, somebody who opposed to the union of two left-handed persons; however, this person was not a right-extremist. It took me a long time to accept myself as left-handed, although I was that way since I was young. I had to bury it in me, to hide it to myself and to others. I built a fortress around me, so that the others would think I am a good right-hander. But I liked my left-hand better and could go anything about it.

I was right-handed with the right-handers, continuing to laugh at left-handed persons… We often saw our left-handed neighbour receiving other left-handed persons. One day, you said that you preferred that to a drunkard. Feel reassured, I am not a drunkard. Just a left-handed person. It took me time before I talk to you about it because being right-handed is considered as the standard in our society. Nevertheless, how would it without left-handed persons? Léonard de Vinci was left-handed, and nevertheless, his hand did not prevent him from being a genius. I see you asking you ” but why is my son left-handed? “.

It’s not your fault. Since I know how to use my hands, I feel more comfortable with my left hand. My right hand”s purpose is only to make me look a certain way. My left hand’s purpose is to unable me to be myself. I decided to apply Rochefoucauld’s quote: ” we would more win to be allowed to see ourselves such as we are, rather than to try to look what we are not “. (You see, the left-handed persons are cultivated all the same).

If you still have questions on “this”, I could answer you, or you can talk to associations that help left-handed persons’ families to accept the left-hander as he is.

Kisses,

 Mattew

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Close-minded parents of gay teens

9 01 2009

My dad is very close-minded. And I don’t think that he actually realises that he his. He’s very self-righteous too. He believes that some things are normal and that others aren’t, and that everybody ought to be as “normal” as he is. And at times, it’s really hard to talk to him because he just says: “I don’t want to know anything about this” and walks away.

mr__pink_by_bittergrapesThe other day, though, I had this amazing opportunity to actually have a conversation with him. I asked him how was his sister doing. It is no secret that those two don’t get along very well. They don’t see each other and they don’t talk. I had previously talked about my dad about denial, I said in a very general way that I was scared that he would deny me if ever I do something he doesn’t approve. My dad is very protective. He’s the cliché dad that doesn’t want his daughter to go out with bad boys, you know ? We used to joke about this, but recently, I started to use that cliché to slowly come out to him and my mom. I would say : “Seriously, Dad, if ever I fell in love with a gangster or a guy with tattoos and piercings and stuff, would you deny me ?” (Add to that a cute pity face, it works ;)) Of course, what was really in my head was: “If ever I present you to my new girlfriend, would you deny me ?” And of course, he says he doesn’t deny anybody. That’s my dad.

But anyway, it worked for me to use the “bad boy” cliché to push him to realise that yes, I am (or should be) free to fall in love with anybody. That is my step one in my coming out process. Yay. Not much, I know. But better than nothing.

So we talked (in a very general way, not about homosexuality at all) and I managed to make him realise that he doesn’t do any compromises when it comes to relationships and things that he doesn’t necessarily approve. I added that he judges people before he gets to know them (he would often say that if ever one of his friends announced him that he / she was gay / lesbian, he would stop their relationships with no hesitation at all no matter how many decades they have been friends. He would also say that if he knows that somebody is gay, he wouldn’t even talk to that person even if he has too). At the end of that lovely father-daughter conversation, he said: “Yeah. You are right, I might think about it.” Isn’t cool ? There is hope in that family ! Yay ! 🙂 

I also used the “fat person” version (because – and I’m not proud to say this – my dad would also judge fat people in the exact same way as he would do with gay people, and it just depresses me). I would say: “You will deny me if I get fat.” And he would honestly say no.

So I highly recommend this technique to anybody that wants to come out of the closet to his / her parents. Just to prepare them to the big announcement. Of course, I’m no expert. It’s just an advice. Take it or leave it. So far, my dad really watched what he would say about people he would used to judge. And that is why we love our dads too. 😀

Step 2 of my coming out process coming up soon.





Think Before You Speak

7 01 2009

Nearly 9 out of 10 of LGBT students (86.3%) experienced harassment at school because of their sexual orientation in the past year, according to GLSEN’s 2007 National School Climate Survey.

The Ad Council’s first LGBT-themed campaign, unveiled last month, targets anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) language among teenagers. It features humorous TV public service announcements that star Hilary Duff and Wanda Sykes interrupting teenagers who use the term “that’s so gay.”





Lesbian Couple give birth to quadruplets separately

5 01 2009

Karen Wesolowski and Martha Padgett spent three years and £35,000 undergoing IVF treatment, but could not believe it when they heard four heartbeats at a check-up. Astonishingly each of the women gave birth to twins on the same day – but the four children born are actually quadruplets, created from Martha’s eggs and donor sperm. Miss Wesolowski, who has been with her… (read more)

karen_wesolowski_and_martha_padgettKaren, 42, and Martha, 38, tried 5 times to get pregnant (at 15,000$ per try, a three years process that exhausted them) before they finally decided that they should both have eggs implanted. They took medication to make sure they were on the same cycle. Even though they knew that 2 embryos had been implanted, they didn’t believe that they would end up with 4 babies. And, happy end, they gave birth on the same date, only 22 hours apart at different hospitals. Now the pair, of Riverside, California, are happily cradling twins – one boy and one girl each – who are all quadruplet brothers and sisters. That is a real love story, eh ? And Martha, who have a 3-years-old daugther named Julia from a previous marriage, says she dated a couple of other men and never expected to fall in love with another women, until she met Karen. Couple of years later: lots of babies. :)

babies1