Close-minded parents of gay teens

My dad is very close-minded. And I don’t think that he actually realises that he his. He’s very self-righteous too. He believes that some things are normal and that others aren’t, and that everybody ought to be as “normal” as he is. And at times, it’s really hard to talk to him because he just says: “I don’t want to know anything about this” and walks away.

The other day, though, I had this amazing opportunity to actually have a conversation with him. I asked him how was his sister doing. It is no secret that those two don’t get along very well. They don’t see each other and they don’t talk. I had previously talked about my dad about denial, I said in a very general way that I was scared that he would deny me if ever I do something he doesn’t approve. My dad is very protective. He’s the cliché dad that doesn’t want his daughter to go out with bad boys, you know ? We used to joke about this, but recently, I started to use that cliché to slowly come out to him and my mom. I would say : “Seriously, Dad, if ever I fell in love with a gangster or a guy with tattoos and piercings and stuff, would you deny me ?” (Add to that a cute pity face, it works ) Of course, what was really in my head was: “If ever I present you to my new girlfriend, would you deny me ?” And of course, he says he doesn’t deny anybody. That’s my dad.

But anyway, it worked for me to use the “bad boy” cliché to push him to realise that yes, I am (or should be) free to fall in love with anybody. That is my step one in my coming out process. Yay. Not much, I know. But better than nothing.

So we talked (in a very general way, not about homosexuality at all) and I managed to make him realise that he doesn’t do any compromises when it comes to relationships and things that he doesn’t necessarily approve. I added that he judges people before he gets to know them (he would often say that if ever one of his friends announced him that he / she was gay / lesbian, he would stop their relationships with no hesitation at all no matter how many decades they have been friends. He would also say that if he knows that somebody is gay, he wouldn’t even talk to that person even if he has too). At the end of that lovely father-daughter conversation, he said: “Yeah. You are right, I might think about it.” Isn’t cool ? There is hope in that family ! Yay !  

I also used the “fat person” version (because – and I’m not proud to say this – my dad would also judge fat people in the exact same way as he would do with gay people, and it just depresses me). I would say: “You will deny me if I get fat.” And he would honestly say no.

So I highly recommend this technique to anybody that wants to come out of the closet to his / her parents. Just to prepare them to the big announcement. Of course, I’m no expert. It’s just an advice. Take it or leave it. So far, my dad really watched what he would say about people he would used to judge. And that is why we love our dads too.

Step 2 of my coming out process coming up soon.